Always
by Murasaki3
Summary: Kikyo has always been a cold and selfish person, what happens when she is forced to make a decision to make other people happy?
1. Default Chapter

Always  
  
By Murasaki  
  
*Disclaimers: I do not own any of the characters in this story…..so don't sue.  
  
Soft snores were heard as I made my way through the dense foliage of trees to get to the campsite of the sleeping group. I walked down the path as the trees made way to an open clearing and the members of the group were sleeping soundly. I scanned the area looking for the one person of my concern, but I couldn't find him. To the right, the demon exterminator was asleep with her pet demon cat and the monk only inches away with his hand reaching out for her. Ahead, was the miko girl asleep in that modern bedding from the furture, with the baby kitsune cuddled up and sleeping in her arms. I searched the trees looking for a flash of red and silver, but nothing was visible in the darkness. The half moon gave but little light, making it hard to find him. My gaze once again rested on the miko before I noticed the clawed hand that gripped her waist lightly. I felt my heart ache as I walked closer to the girl to find the one I was looking for asleep with her. Her back was pressed against his chest as his hand hung over her waist embracing her lightly and she in turn embracing the baby kitsune. I felt as if somebody dropped an icy cold bucket of water on me, when I found him sleeping with her. I sat down facing her directly as I continued to scrutinize the couple. I felt hatred coming off of me in waves and it was directed at the sleeping girl. My hatred only increased as I saw her shiver slightly in her sleep only to have Inu Yasha tighten his hold on her and pull her deeper into his chest. Kagome shifted around a little until she quieted down and whispered his name. He in turn nuzzled his face into her hair.   
  
'That should have been me…,' I thought sadly as my hate grew stronger with the 'should have' and 'could haves'. As my hate started to reach a peak, I felt my body turn rigid as the full impact of the emotions I was feeling hit me.   
  
"Hate…," I whisper the word softly to the wind before I place my hand on my mouth and look around.   
  
'Since when did I start feeling……feeling hate?' I grimaced slightly as I suddenly felt disgusted with myself. 'I'm a miko since when did I start feeling these cursed emotions. I'm not supposed to hate anybody…nonetheless my own reincarnation! I'm supposed to give love; when did my feelings start to turn so…..so evil?'   
  
My head started to ache as I tried to find the meaning of being here; watching them silently. Was I drawn here only to torture myself? I sat staring at the dying embers of the fire as I began processing the new information. For once, since I was reborn I started to think my actions through. I felt my shoulders slump forward and I let out a heavy sigh as realization hits me.   
  
'I do not hate my reincarnation, rather the depth of my feelings are more of jealousy,' I thought. 'My jealousy is great and it is mixed in with bitterness and pain; it all lead me to think I hated the girl though I do not. Still these feelings are not better than hate, and mikos should not feel them either.'   
  
"Mikos are supposed to be pure…..maybe like you Kagome?" I whisper softly to the girl. She never felt these feelings toward me, she only felt pity and sadness…and a little jealousy.   
  
"Why should you feel jealous little girl?" I ask softly, knowing she won't answer. 'You still won over me…,' I smiled bitterly.   
  
'Now I know why mikos were supposed to stay pure and not fall in love; it only lead to our hearts getting corrupted when we never got what we wanted. I should have listened, I should have heeded the warnings. Love is like plunging yourself into the fire only to get burned. I know now that everything was in vain.' I shake my head lightly to rid myself of the tears that were coming to surface.   
  
As the clouds passed across the moon, it's light shone down on a silver metallic object at the base of the extinguished fire where the rest of the group's supplies were found. I looked at it for a while before turning my gaze back to the sleeping hanyou. My eyes softened as I looked upon his face, 'he looks just like a big puppy.' I smile softly at the picture he made.   
  
'We could have been together Inu Yasha, if it wasn't for Naraku. Although I know that you didn't betray me that fateful day, you have still managed to betray me unintentionally. It wasn't the betrayal of fifty years ago when Naraku deceived us into thinking that we betrayed each other…no, it was the betrayal of you choosing Kagome over me.' Again I sighed heavily. 'I am being silly. I died and he moved on , the only reason why I'm alive right now, was because of an accident. Why should he wait the arrival of a dead corpse? I shouldn't be here right now…..'  
  
"Yet, I was still hopping Inu Yasha that because of what we once shared, you would come to me. You would love me!" I yelled out loud, but not loud enough to wake anybody. I felt warm tears streak down my cheeks as images of that day fifty years ago came to life.   
  
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~Flashback~  
  
We docked the boat at the edge of the river as we began walking back to the village together after another tiring day of curing the sick villagers. The setting sun cast a golden orange glow on everything in the area, including Inu Yasha's hair. I was walking behind him and I seemed entranced with how his hair reflected the sun's rays. I was not watching where I was going until I felt my foot catch into a crack in the ground and I started falling. I closed my eyes waiting for the impact, but it never came. I opened my eyes to find myself in Inu Yasha's arms, I was about to thank him but once my eyes met his amber orbs I knew then and there that I was falling……and fast. Time seemed to stand still as the world became centered around the both of us and neither of us willed to move. After a while, I noticed how close we were and dropped my gaze to my feet. I felt myself blush deeply as I tried pulling away only to have him increase his hold on me. His hand touched my cheek softly before moving under my chin to pull my face up, in a silent plea.  
  
"Kikyo…look at me, please?" He sounded desperate for me to look at him and tell him it's okay, but I couldn't speak. I raised my eyes to his pleading face. I tired to tell him through my eyes that it was alright since I couldn't find the courage to speak. As if understanding, he looked at me for a couple of more seconds before smiling softly and before I knew it he was so close that our nose were touching. In less than a second he closed the distance and I felt a warmth that filled my whole soul. It was a chaste kiss but through it, I felt all his emotions; love, fear, desperation and loneliness. After what seemed like years, he released me and I opened my eyes to smile at him happily; I felt elated. I gripped him by the shoulders before embracing him tightly, never wanting to let go.   
  
My hands fisted in the front of his haori as I sighed softly into his chest, "Aishiteru Inu Yasha."  
  
I felt him sigh in relief in my hair before answering. "Aishiteru…"  
  
  
  
~End of Flashback~  
  
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I hunched forward doubled over with pain as my heart clenched several times with the torrent of sorrow I was feeling.   
  
"Why did you leave me Inu Yasha?" I whispered desperately knowing that there won't ever be an answer. A soft breeze shook through the trees and I felt my hair sway around my face.   
  
'I don't blame you for moving on, it is your right……Anyway this is ridiculous why should I envy my own reincarnation? We both have the same soul and we are the same person. Besides if fate didn't have a hand in our lives, why would the well open up for her so she could come and free you? It all makes sense now, I was only blinded by my own selfishness……'  
  
Kikyo shifted to the side as she once again examined the faces of the sleeping couple. 'How could I take you to hell with me when you are so happy?' I felt guilty as I remembered the promise he made to me; he promised to always protect me and to he would go to hell with me.   
  
'You always protected me Inu Yasha; you were always looking over me. Wherever I went, I would hear your soft footfalls echoing my own and your shadow overlapping my own. You kept up half of the bargain Inu Yasha, but I cannot allow you to keep up the other half. I died fifty years ago, I wasn't supposed to come back and I cannot allow myself to build my own happiness on your account. I was selfish when I asked you to make that promise. I was only looking for my self-interest thinking that I was the only one who suffered, when in fact you too have suffered.'   
  
"I am going to leave you now Inu Yasha, I'll leave you to live your life. Don't worry about the promise you made, I am the one who broke it, you do not have to pay for something you did not do….I know that now." I stood up and made my way to Inu Yasha's side before kissing him softly on the cheek and whispering in his ear, "I'll miss you."   
  
I walked away from the sleeping pair and made my way to the glittering metallic object I saw a while ago. "A decision has been made…" I whispered quietly. I bent down and picked up the object and placed it within my robes. I glanced once more at the sleeping group before signaling for my stole stealing youkai to carry me away.   
  
I watched the landscape shift under my feet as my youkai were carrying me away from the campsite. After a distance I raised my hand signaling for them to put me down. I stepped down and looked at them sadly, patting them on their head before speaking, "You have been faithful to me my little friends, but now you are free to go…..thank you for everything." They nodded their heads sorrowfully and flew away.   
  
I fell down to my knees, 'everybody is leaving me'. I thought.   
  
"But it's time to end all of this. Nobody will have to suffer on my account anymore…" I pulled out the glittering dagger from my robes and placed it on the ground near me.   
  
"I'd rather die as an honorable miko, rather than live my life stealing other people's souls to stay alive. I'd rather take my own life away than letting my heart become even more corrupted by these evil feelings. I don't want to turn into a monster only to have somebody dear to me end my life for me in the end. "A decision has been made……" I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before picking up the dagger and placing it in front of my heart. The picture of a smiling hanyou appeared before my closed lids as I let a sad smile grace my lips.   
  
"I'll always love you……" I whispered before plunging the dagger deep into my heart. I felt myself falling into darkness and a single tear fell from my eyes as I let out my last breath.  
  
'Always Inu Yasha…Always.'  
  
~Owari~ 


	2. Authors Note

Author's Note:  
  
I just wanted to say thanks to all my reviewers out there. You have no idea how happy you guys made me when you reviewed my story. I wasn't expecting any reviews because most of you guys hate Kikyo's guts, but I wanted to thank you for being the greatest people out there and reviewing it anyway. Once again thanks! 


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